The Red Light District in Worm City: Field Notes from the Worm War #3

May 23, 2026 | 11:10 PM

Woodstock, Illinois

69°.

80% humidity.

0% moon illumination.

Air Quality Index: 109 — “Unhealthy for Sensitive Groups.”

Someone stopped me and told me they’d actually been reading these field notes aka a blog (I still don’t like the word blog it reminds me of worms) This was surprising because honestly I assumed only Michelle, my mom and two polite friends were humoring me while watching me descend into worm madness.

I had actually considered stopping the (blog 🤢) altogether before this kind person said something to me.

It gave me hope. And hope is important when you feel you don’t have control. I clearly don’t have any with these worms!!

“Tonight was one of the most disgusting nights yet. The Canadian wildfire smoke rolled into northern Illinois again, turning the air thick and strange. The whole neighborhood smells like campfire, wet dirt, and bad decisions. Meanwhile, the worms are thriving.

The conditions tonight are almost perfect: warm ground, high humidity, soft soil, low moonlight, just enough darkness for these little sociopaths to emerge. My imagination at 1:03 AM is surprisingly vivid (must be my filmmaker side) and I can report from worm city…. They have a Red Light District. It’s like being in Bangkok all over again.

Sidewalk edges remain their preferred hang out. They stretch themselves across the concrete like tourists sunbathing in Florida.

What’s fascinating — and horrifying — is how dramatically weather changes their behavior.

Tonight they were slower. Most people don’t see them because they are gone before you make out their disgusting presence.

My sprinkler strategy continues to work surprisingly well. Once the soil softens and oxygen levels shift underground, they surface in waves. You don’t need the mustard trick people Reddit about (that hurts nice worms so don’t do it)

They don’t seem to tolerate saturated soil for long, which is likely why they gather near edges afterward waiting for conditions to stabilize. Unfortunately for them…

I’m waiting.

Tonight’s additional discovery: a stronger flashlight dramatically improves detection of movement beneath the soil surface before they fully emerge. Which means I’ve now officially crossed into thermal-predator territory.

The neighbors are still partying.

Music drifting through the smoke.

People laughing and living emotionally stable lives. And I’m outside measuring strike distance with my worm weapon like this somehow became a competitive sport. I even score myself!

But underneath the absurdity, something else is becoming impossible to ignore: Their numbers are starting to become difficult to emotionally process. Here and in the areas I have investigated (legally) around Northern Illinois and into Wisconsin.

.

This isn’t just: “weird worms in the garden.” This is our soil structure.

Native ecosystems, our food structure.

They are here.

Not someday.

Now. The war continues. My question is what keeps you fighting when you know you can’t win?